Autism at School

School is important. Kind of goes without saying. When your child has autism, the school experience is really, really important on many different levels.

Parents have questions:

Will my child be safe?

Will my child learn?

Will my child have friends?

Will my child experience bullying?

Will my child be taught things that are relevant and will help him grow towards as independent a life as possible?

And how will I know if any of this is happening or not?

The first and most important principle that defines the relationship between parents and educators is that must be one of collaboration. School personnel must understand that these parents are often hurting, scared, heartbroken, and sometimes they will speak in ways that are less than diplomatic. Parents, in turn, must know that the people sitting across the table from them are not miracle workers, but that the vast majority are called and committed to do their best to help make each child's life better. They are, for the most part, highly-trained professionals.

So what can a parent do to build a collaborative relationship with teachers and support staff?

1) Communicate --give these people information that will help them help your child. Is there a new behavior that's emerging at home? Is there a new circumstance that presents a particular challenge? Let them know. And encourage teachers to do the same about happenings at school.

2) Be there and build relationships --whether it's volunteering as a room parent, writing a thank-you note (and delivering to the classroom by hand), or simply coming into the building to pick up your child early for an appointment (as opposed to having him brought out), find ways to have non-hostile, face-to-face interactions with the people in your child's life.

3) Empathize --understand that while schools are compelled by law to provide certain levels of service and accommodation, their resources are not unlimited. Also understand that teachers and support staff are used to dealing with angry and hurting parents--use kind words and a respectful tone even if disagreeing.

4) Prioritize --is the accommodation you seek vital and fundamental to your child's progress? Then do what it takes to get it. Is what you're asking for more marginal? Something that would be nice to have but won't make that much of a difference over time? Then don't make that a hill you die on.

If the people at your child's school feel that you are a partner and not an adversary, your child will benefit. There may be times you have to fight, and then fight you must. But even then, relationships can be maintained, and your child's experience will be enhanced over the long run.