Catch Them Being Good!
Mark Rembert • July 15, 2020
It's hard, but it's worth it.
It is one of the hardest things for any of us to do--whether we are a boss, a teacher, or especially a parent. It's one of the simplest and most fundamental of behavioral principles. And yet we forget to do it, or we fail to do it enough, or we feel like we shouldn't have to. The principle: reinforce the behavior that you want to see. The application for parents: catch your kids being good, and reward them for it.
It works. It works for all kinds of kids, but it is especially important for children with autism. Consider the child on the spectrum. He may struggle reading social cues. A wink or a smile from a parent might not be as meaningful to him as to his typical peer. It's all the more important for a parent to be clear (and maybe a little dramatic) in offering reinforcement. It can be praise, high fives, tickles, something tangible (an M&M, say). Whatever it is, it needs to be meaningful and rewarding to the child.
In my experience, this strategy can pay its greatest dividends in seemingly the most mundane circumstances. Your kid is sitting quietly, appropriately playing with a toy. Or he's sitting and reading a book. The parent walks past and says, "Hey, John, I LOVE how you are sitting quietly and playing!" That may be reward enough, or something else may need to be included to sweeten the pot. Whatever the case, it is a certainty that if the child is explicitly and consistently reinforced for playing quietly, then he will do so more often.
So why should I have to do this? Why should I have to reward my child for something he should be doing anyway? I hear this a lot, and I understand it, as I slip into that thinking myself at times. Think about the alternative--the idea of criticizing the bad instead of rewarding the good. Remember when you were a teenager? If your parents tried to shape your behavior by telling you what not to do, how did that go? What was your response? I sure didn't like it, and my 17-year-old son, who has autism, doesn't like it, either!
So catch your kids being good, and let them know about it. It works, and it's worth it!
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Our son has to be integrated into the world in which he lives. We cannot hide him. Or ourselves. If the price we pay is a frown or a snide remark from time to time, so be it.
An autistic child may be talkative or nonverbal. He may love sports or music or dance. Or not. He may crave big, strong hugs, or he might find them overwhelming. He may eat everything you put in front of him, or he may seem to like almost nothing. The truth is, it all depends on the child.
An autistic child may be talkative or nonverbal. He may love sports or music or dance. Or not. He may crave big, strong hugs, or he might find them overwhelming. He may eat everything you put in front of him, or he may seem to like almost nothing. The truth is, it all depends on the child.
Our son has to be integrated into the world in which he lives. We cannot hide him. Or ourselves. If the price we pay is a frown or a snide remark from time to time, so be it.